Archive

Monthly Archives: August 2017

today i sponsored a kid from the united states of america, her name is francis perry and she will turn 11 years old this november. her card was the first that i saw as char and i walked to the child sponsorship table. as cliche as it sounds i remember thinking “this is the child” and i made a quick decision there to set aside $35 every month to hopefully make her life a little better. 

it’s really interesting how things have panned out. i remember close to 6-7 years ago, char showed me the card of the philipino girl she was sponsoring. i didn’t know how to feel and there was that skeptic side in me that thought “does this $35 really make a difference?” 

and now here we are. i guess i will never ever truly know whether my small contribution makes a difference, but i want to give without expecting. i feel privileged to be in this position where i can give, without having to worry about whether i have enough. i have enough. and i find myself once again feeling so grateful and getting a timely reminder of how God provided and over provided in 2016.

and i don’t want to come off as parading this as a humble brag or to receive compliments that what i’m doing is noble or whatever synonym that comes along. 

it’s just a blessing to be able to give, and i hope that i never forget this.

i am on a cab. everything honestly feels like a blur. i have forgotten what it’s like to feel the alcohol run through my veins, to feel it gingerly on my fingertips. i am in control and not entirely. i think of the blotches on my face due to the omnipresent asian flush and i do feel slightly self-conscious. did they see the flaws in my make-up application? did they notice how widely i smiled compared to my usual subdued and overly serious persona? i am still on the cab. i did not realize how quickly we have travelled from point A to point B. i called shotgun and everything is wide in perspective. he, the driver, is driving extremely slow and i find myself drumming my fingers on my laptop. hurry up, i think. but “is it possible for you to drive faster” i ask. 

then in my head i visualize him speeding. finally. we are moving faster. but then we hit a car. and there i see myself in the bird’s eye view that i had when i read the bell jar many years ago. lying on some pavement, my body is contorted but i can’t make out my facial features. maybe the skin has been torn off or maybe i actually didn’t look at all.

it flashes in my mind for a second and then it’s gone. 

it was real, wasn’t it?