Monthly Archives: July 2017

my friend syl asked me. 

“reading and drawing”

“wow yes it’s as anti-social as it sounds”

have been making reading a habit, particularly when i’m commuting. it’s been at least 2 years since my social media notifications have been disabled and now that i’ve started working, i really don’t want to become a social media slave or a working adult drone. really going to make self-improvement and self-awareness a daily occurence in my life. 

2017 feels like it has just begun. excited for this new season of challenges, learning more about myself through these challenges, growing as a strong Christian and always seeking to be a better person!!!!! 


your words are backed with intention, but without conviction

they’re merely words

i am on my 7th day of work and my body is already showing obvious signs of fatigue; dry eyes in the morning, strange pimples on my chin and pronounced eye bags by 5pm. 

today my parents sent me to work which approximated to be $10 “still cheaper than a cab” and just wanted to write about how thankful and grateful i am to be so utterly spoilt and loved. i shared with char and wini on saturday that i really want to stay grounded in a spirit of gratitude even when things start getting hectic. i was briefly reminded of how a sermon at NCC talked about how we tend to forget how thankful we were for a particular situation in the past. eg. was thankful and felt fortunate to be able to enter a local university course after A’s but months into university, i would forget that lens of thankfulness and instead my thoughts would revolve around “can’t wait to graduate” 

and similarly, i realized that the same could happen so easily at work. 

i just wanted to remind myself to

– focus on the little nuggets of positivity even when work overwhelms me

– never to sacrifice or diminish my capacity to work on personal growth and development 

– continue to seek God in all that i do, even when it seems frivolous

witnessed for myself and have received feedback from two friends – char and sherrie – that they can see an obvious change in me. “you’re not weighted down by earthly situations” and i’m just so amazed at how my walk with God has accelerated so much over the past month. 
it’s gonna be a great 6 months left of 2017 🙂

i took 1 normal grab and 2 grab share rides today and they were interesting. i shouldn’t be writing about how i met with 3 very different personalities since that should be a given but it felt quintessentially so. i guess it’s because most people have the tendency to surround themselves with like-minded people or that friends are usually around your age so the thought processes and life experiences are similar.

so today i had the opportunity to meet:

1) an indian who has a masters but found himself out of a job because his contract expired. he was cynical about how the government hasn’t been doing much to help singaporeans and i don’t know if xenophobia would be entirely accurate but the discontentment with “foreigners taking our jobs” was a key argument. he didn’t even want to admit that he was a singaporean because he was ashamed that he had a masters but he was relegated to driving a grab. 

2) a makeup artist. i noticed her makeup box and confirmed her career with her. we ended up talking about makeup for the entire 10 minute ride. she shared with me that her kat von d blue smoky eyeshadow look was because she’s currently on course and learning how to do stage makeup. it was a really pleasant conversation throwing all the names of the makeup brands we liked around in the backseat.

3) ended off my day with a rather pretentious asshole who is a sgx trader with a law degree. i like to think that i have an awkward button switch whereby i don’t feel awkward despite the silence, so i’m not sure if the conversation was actually painful. when i say pretentious asshole it doesn’t mean that i had a very painful conversation or that he was conceited, i guess it was just the general vibe. it started off with how we both got in the car at the same time, the driver said that he would drop me off first at my tutee’s condo and the other passenger commented “oh nice, that’s a nice place, pretty near mine” and i corrected him that i don’t actually stay that and that i was going there for tuition. i mentioned that i actually just finished one tuition so i was on the way to the second and he made a remark that implied that nowadays people are desperate for money. i didn’t like how he made that assumption so i replied “well i don’t take money from my parents so the money has to come from somewhere” and there was a very obvious silence. apart from that i think we actually sustained the conversation with the sharing of our degrees, where he’s working, where i’m going to work etc. in retrospect it really was a boring conversation relative to the second one, the driver must have been glad to be greeted with the silence in the backseat the second i got off the grab. 

not sure why i’m writing. just felt the need to document i guess.

clairezy and i were having another one of those intense TOG conversations that we have been having since she started reading the book and fell in love with it. then it spiralled into me realizing that she actually has a secret blog and then we exchanged urls, something that i realized is a first for me. i don’t think any of my friends my age actually has a blog now or maybe i just never asked. after all i think half of my close friends still don’t even know about this wordpress.

i ended up binge reading her dayre and then i felt inspired to write. i was thinking of how our friendship was so unexpected and i really love how we text so often, even if it always ends up becoming a TOG gushing marathon of how we need a love like rowan and aelin. if you’re reading this, please read the throne of glass series. it’s amazing and beats harry potter hands down, and this is coming from a true harry potter fan who already owns all the books but still paid $60 to buy another set because “i want to own the series with the kids edition covers” if you’re sick of male leads and are into female leads who don’t take shit from males and know how to stand up for themselves… this book is 10/10!!! actually why am i even recommending it when only maximum 10 of my friends know this blog hahaha

i went off tangent again. i am always rambling, it’s a consistent thing on this wordpress.

my shower thoughts consisted of me making mental lists of the friendships i have now and realizing that i’m so thankful for the friendships that i have in my life right now. i also realized that over the years i let some friendships go and placed less value in some, and sometimes i do think “maybe i should made more effort” or “i shouldn’t have been too quick to let that friendship slip away” but what’s done is done and i’m thankful to God for clearly putting some people in my life and letting them stay

primary school: none
secondary school: char and jo
karate: wei and ya ting
jc: rach bb, theo, lyndi, zihui, sherrie, haein
uni: zijie, syl, weiyun, clairezy, zit, emz and ezzy
internship: qianhua, qiantong, sam and chim

and it’s really not about lists or being cautiously selective, i think i just realized over the years that when people matter, you make time for them. and most importantly, that friends that you used to love and always thought would be there in your life forever could really eventually leave and end up being a stranger. i’m 24 this year and there’s only 21 on this list, there are some friendships there that are certainly stronger than the ones that are newer, but i think these are the friends that i would really want to keep in my life and i really hope to strengthen these friendships and that in 5 years time all their names will still be on there.

there’s been a lot of friendships that i’ve lost over the years, names that used to appear in this wordpress however vaguely or not and i’ve made mistakes before of putting my pride first / not making enough effort in friendships that i assumed would always be strong / putting my relationships first over my friendships.

i went for my first cell group in 11 years last saturday and it was a reflection session. one of the questions was “what are some areas that you want to improve in your personal life?” and i didn’t write it down then, but i would add now that i’m really going to strive to be a better friend to those who really matter in my heart.