i am writing because 

I am sad. and most of my writing is always fueled by sadness. I am sad and I feel that I have been sad for a while.

tonight I told you all the things I have been feeling. demons that I have wrestled with since late 2011. he really did a number on me, and his ghost still haunts every relationship since he left in January 2013. I am convinced that I am a slowly ticking time bomb and that eventually the people who say they love me will leave. I hate the whole “I love you” phrase because it is such an easy commitment to profess but it’s one of the easiest to break. I am convinced that I am not a good person to be with. Sometimes I feel great being alone; I relish in the feeling of being in control, being independent and having freedom. But mostly I feel vulnerable because I am waiting for the day where you discover all the demons I wrestle with in my head and decide that they are too many for you to handle.

and I am so negative that I am the spokesperson of pessimism. now I realize that I have became exactly like his ghost; negative, pessimistic and absolutely tiring to be with. 

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