tonight i walked down the long sheltered pathway – you know the one from my old block all the way to the sign that says NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF EDUCATION – with a heavy heart and the last time i took this route feeling something like this, it was after i walked away from our last confrontation. for the past five months i have done my best to suppress these memories; to forget the way you grabbed my arm when i wanted to leave, the way you looked when you told me how much I’ve hurt you and basically how broken you looked that night and the nights before that.
so tonight i am thinking of you and I try not to because whenever I do I just feel like an awful person. I feel wrong for feeling happy. so perhaps all I’ve been is selfish from the start. if you’re reading this, thank you – because I guess a part of you still wonders how I’m doing even after everything that has happened – I don’t deserve your care or concern. I hope you’re doing well and I’m sorry.