misguided goals and future plans

i am sitting on one of the benches at HSS and after an entire summer (and a semester) i am finally thinking again: what is it that i want to do. and strangely enough these thoughts are resurfacing again because of the viral news of NUS medical school having a more diverse student mix. in between reading the article, I felt a pang of jealousy because the new interviewing system certainly sounds fairer and I couldn’t help but wonder if I would be able to make the cut. medical school was a dream back in junior college; but if I were to be honest, it was never mine. my parents have always held the professions of being a doctor or lawyer in high regard and having a family of doctors and lawyers definitely played a huge role in the goal of wanting to go to medical school. as to “why medical school?” (or why law school for that matter) an obvious sign that these aspirations were not mine was only made apparent to me years later when I realized that I was always unable to find an answer beyond the typical textbook answer of “I want to help people” – I didn’t truly desire to be a doctor or lawyer beyond the material pursuit and I was unable to provide a concrete or substantial reason to back my misguided goal.

however yesterday my mom brought me to the national skin center and the doctor that i saw – made me realize the deeper and profound meaning to “I want to help people” – for months I felt my self-esteem progressively dip lower and I could emphasise with people who had less than stellar complexions. I hated looking at myself in the office lift mirrors and I tried not to look up as I washed my hands in the office restrooms (or any restrooms for that matter) and after my doctor’s appointment I’m finally feeling less dejected. more importantly it was how he answered all my questions patiently and bothered to explain medical jargon and which type of medicine I should take that made me feel assured that my skin will get better. I found myself thinking that if I were to ever read medicine, specializing in skin (is the proper term dermatology?) would be a field I would be interested in. 

also it’s been ages since I’ve typed a blog post and it’s time to start thinking – and most importantly planning – what I would really like to do in the future. 

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