it has been a while since i have last seen your face. i behave exactly the way i have rehearsed in my mind should i see you again; i avoid you. you are wearing a green checkered polo and jeans and all this feels familiar. you have put on a surprising amount of weight and it looks good on you. and then you react in a completely different way from what i expect; you are confrontational. i hear the apology that i have long given up on hearing and finally that chapter has came to a proper close.

but my eyes open and his face is the first thing i see. i hear the words but it isn’t registering. it takes me a few moments to get up, forget and go. and when we get into the car, i remember. for the first time, i tell him and i allow my vulnerability to show. i am honest but it is a half truth. the other half i don’t allow myself to say aloud is that your ghost is still on my shoulders.

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