it is five minutes after an individual reflection assignment submission and now i think i have a better understanding of the whole “breathes a sigh of relief” phrase because i started on the assignment slightly over twenty-four hours ago and still made it in time for the submission deadline. living my academic life on the edge.
i feel like i haven’t lied down on my back and thumb typed in a while and over the span of another grueling nine weeks of school i haven’t found the time to actively think. instead sometimes it feels like i live my life: from tuesday 0830-2200, wednesday 1430-1730, thursday 1130-1830hrs and friday mornings 0830-1030 motion to motion. and it is awfully frightening how time passes by extremely fast. also i started off this semester with greater expectations and hopes but a lack of better time management (and plausibly discipline) has not allowed for that to happen.
two days ago i sat for another predictably dismal accounting test and i quote zihui “falling into a self-fulfilling prophecy” whereby i proclaimed that i am absolutely hopeless in accounting but it made it wonder if i really am that helpless or was it because of the mental brick wall i create. then i am reminded of how i conquered amaths when i was 16 and how i have enjoyed it ever since and how tenacity and determination can play a huge role in changing outcomes. despite this i feel that i have gotten – for the lack of a better word to illustrate my point – more stupid ever since i stepped into junior college. also sometimes i wonder if God made this path a little more difficult for me as a reminder that relying on my own strength is never enough.
there are a lot of things i have set out to accomplish this semester and i haven’t
1. better time management and setting of realistic goals. i am champion in ambitiously writing out five to seven tasks in a day and i usually stop after completing three.
2. thinking critically, being a team member that contributes and value adds to the group. this hasn’t been one of my weakest points but has surfaced in one of the major projects this semester and is something that probably deserves more reflection.
3. understanding christianity. apart from stating that i believe in God because i have witnessed how God has blessed me, i have always felt uncomfortable in the sense that i know absolutely nothing about the Bible and God beyond a surface level.
this wasn’t meant to look like a resolution kind of post. in fact this post is highly disjointed hence the title…………..there really are a lot of things i want to achieve and improve on. mid-terms and upcoming finals are always a convenient excuse to not think deeper and act on my goals to self-improvement / self-discovery.