i wonder when exactly do the first warning signs appear and what is the average lifespan of: closely interlocked fingers, long hugs that feel like they mean something, good morning kisses, good night kisses, attentive listening and consecutive days of unbridled and unadulterated happiness. i think of how this period is colloquially termed “honeymoon phase” and then i think of what a farce this means; this posits that relationships are dived into fully knowing and expecting the very occurrence of: loosely held hands, brief hugs that feel like they mean absolutely nothing, obligatory good morning and good night kisses, semi-attentive listening semi-multitasking and staggered days of joy sometimes marred with a certain quiet sadness. perhaps i am contrasting this too easily in two extreme examples so to put this simply: loving someone is entirely different from being in love.
now comes the second part of my wonderment in how things work and how things should work: do you quietly observe and ignore the rare tensed conversations or do you feign ignorance and casually brush it aside – then does that make you (a) TOO SENSITIVE or does that make you (b) NOT BOTHERED what exactly is the fine line here – which is backed by the assumption that there is a standardization of fine lines to gingerly tiptoe along – and we all know that this assumption is easily debunked because no two pairs function the exact same way – and so i have come full circle knowing with certainty that
i am still as lost as from the time i started writing this post