just a few days ago i realized that one major flaw in my way of thinking when it comes to disagreements or arguments is that i always think in terms of how i would treat the other person and usually said action is something i wouldn’t have done. but this isn’t a justifiable basis to get upset because not everybody will treat you the way you treat others since everyone has a different modus operandi.
things i need and really do want to work on: cutting down on the sensitivity when it comes to relationships and to stop being such a mopey cow if such things happen
that being said i think i did a little better today because i did manage to explain my thought process and express my feelings without any prompting
started the night at 10:53pm thinking ‘ok maybe i should just do my written assignment’ typed out a full page of words for just the first part of the assignment then i looked out into the living room and saw the words resident evil: retribution on the tv screen and instantaneously my priorities switched. that’s the problem with an extended deadline and also probably a lack of self-discipline on my part
happily tweeted ‘watching resident evil now!!!!’ or something along the lines of that – it just struck me that twitter is our way of talking to ourselves to a public platform which is kind of interesting because the success behind twitter comes from people wanting to share their inane thoughts or thinking their thoughts or opinions or emotions have an external value isn’t it? then somewhere in the middle of getting used to running zombies – didn’t realize that it’s been more than five years since i last watched any of the resident evil franchise – honestly so brilliant – and watching gorgeous milla jovovich did I spell that right run her ass off, got an update of the national conjunct case camp by m on the whatsapp group which sort of set me right back from fantasy island to real world of deadlines commitments and how time is never enough yet someone still has the luxury to prop herself on the couch and indulge in mindless entertainment
i really did enjoy it though. i don’t remember wasting much time this week although i got hooked onto this tiny bit game called disco zoo hahah ha ha haha so i think i gave myself that leeway to have a little bit of alone time with the brother and one of my favorite movie franchise
i went a bit off tangent
i wanted to write about how it’s so easy to just take a back seat. felt like i was being one of those MIA irresponsible teammates that didn’t contribute – although i can safely say that the other two teammates have not produced anything tangible too – but m was staying on task and emailing us extra details and information and then it struck me – using this phrase too often – that i was being extremely lazy and i didn’t like how uncomfortable that made me feel. contrasted it to my sense of urgency in the previous case (although the context of 3 days to case camp vs. 6 days is a little different here) and thought about how it is so easy to just take the easy way out and blend into a pool of mediocrity and basically not wanting to put in extra effort. i think the problem is if a person stays unmotivated and lazy for prolonged periods then that’s the difficulty in trying the opposite or trying to revert back
basically people can always choose to make life or things easy by choosing the easy way out
i don’t know where i’m getting at but i know i read m’s barrage of texts in the conjunct group and
dedication and taking ownership and pride in what you do and passion is something really admirable and inspiring
failure feelings at an all time high whenever i do accounting. spent a good deal of recess week doing major catching up on this module and here i am trying to do the ridiculous 40 page latest tutorial in an attempt to finally step into my thursday accounting tutorial classes prepared and not lost. instead, one question in and i am already struggling. i don’t know why i bothered with all the connect online assignments because obviously my fundamentals are fundamentally wrong. feeling very frustrated and honestly sick of this feeling of inadequacy and basically feeling that i am not in control of things. feeling like i came into the wrong course because clearly i’m just not cut out for this.
this isn’t the first time in weeks that i feel so helpless and so frustrated at a piece of paper. i hate the way i’m letting this affect me – always a firm believer of ‘you choose to let things affect you’ but obviously i am highly demoralized and am letting myself wallow in this sad sick pit. i just feel like it’s being realistically sad – i can spend a week on this and still get nowhere.
typing this on the train, very happy because i am about to meet my best friend for a study date and for some good food at night. this whole week was a supposed ‘one week break from school’ but i spent the whole week catching up on accounting and basically not taking a one week break because well. can’t afford to.
this whole week i cooped myself up in the room and managed to see my roommate more often because on normal school days we always seem to miss each other. kind of really like the whole alone time in the room at times although i did feel a little reclusive. a few weeks ago i discovered the magic that is cloudy apple juice and i’ve been hooked onto it ever since. crazy carton of liquid gold that costs less than 4 dollars. also this week i discovered that the beef noodles at canteen 2 is pretty decent and the uncle is quite nice too so i ate that twice a week in a row.
also last week sunday my mom accompanied me to get my new spex done and i am very happy with my new tortoiseshell wider frame ray bans – saying goodbye to nerdy thick black spex circa 2009 circa wtf was I thinking – and i am wearing them now which is something new because i never voluntarily wear my glasses out
this week really passed by too quickly and it wasn’t even that i have been slacking off – could have done a lot more work if i had cut down on my lie to me study breaks in between – i think a two week recess break would be just nice actually