Monthly Archives: February 2014

i feel myself slipping into a fragment of my 2010 self. and i don’t like it at all.


just less than 24 hours ago my team and i were having various feedback sessions with the judges and seniors on our presentation for our very first conjunct case camp. i probably could have phrased that a little better but i woke up late this morning so i’m only giving myself 15 minutes to type this reflection post. 

it was a really good experience. i hate how i just summed it up with such an overused and no effort statement but it really was. an eye-opener in a sense; i think given the course i am in, having to deal with projects is really a norm and ‘project work’ has never been something i dread. yet this time was the very first time i truly got a taste of what ‘teamwork’ is. i think we hear so much about teamwork and the importance of working together to achieve a higher level of success but i never really got to experience it in the way that i did from last thursday to friday night.

it started out with having a brief group discussion on tuesday night during conjunct training and having a glimpse of how overbearing an individual can be. ‘you always think you’ve seen it all, and then one person comes around and proves you wrong’ really sums up how i felt. was really amazed at how an individual can be so unabashed at putting down other opinions and generally just having such a know-it-all personality. i think at most i have met uncooperative and lazy project group mates but really, never had the chance to come across someone like that. 

was honestly annoyed because i envisioned a team that was as excited and committed as i had thought the team to be. and also worried because it felt like it was going to be a two man show. 

then – really thank God for this – really felt like divine intervention – said individual decided to pull out of conjunct and we were assigned a new teammate who coincidentally stayed in the same hall as us (big yay to convenience!!!) and was a real blessing. 

things i remember from thursday to friday night:

finding out that all of us were newbies, anmol stating ‘oh.. we’re fucked’, casual and nonchalant swearing mostly from anmol ‘i hate the fucking trees’, working together from the start by dissecting information provided in the case, discussing and deliberating on main issues and sub issues to be placed in the issue tree, churning out a not-quite-there-yet (but! huge progress) issue tree in 3 hours, deciding to ‘fuck it that’s crap’, approaching the case from a different way instead of the proposed template, having to churn out slides, send the slides via email and not even having a dry run (because it was 2am and everybody needed to rest) before the actual thing

this was honestly the very first time i went into a presentation without having a proper dry run (we did have one in the morning of the actual day but it was choppy and hx and i didn’t get to finish our parts) and not rehearsing by myself. felt relatively nervous and uncertain because our team didn’t follow the conventional structure of tackling the case and were really just a bunch of newbies

this feels like i am typing a cheesy sappy happy ending but 

our team did really well in the end considering all the factors that hindered our progress. all of us received positive individual feedback and the judge that was assigned to us to give us feedback said that we were one of the most confident groups and that it was obvious we did our homework. i really felt like a proud mom. felt like this project was like a baby i carried for 9 months (actually just 2 long days) and that the baby turned out more than just alright. i think what really stood out for me from this experience was really getting such a good taste of working together as a team. more often than not, groups tend to just split up the work and then it gets more individual based as you only know the part you’re assigned to. 

on a hindsight, i think this isn’t a good comparison due to the different natures of the project. 

i think what i mean is that the sense of accomplishment is different. instead of feeling at the end that my segment was well executed, i feel proud of the entire project as a whole because i am aware of the steps it took to get us to this stage. 

i think i rambled a bit too much a r ghhhh ok i exceeded the time by 15 minutes actually. this whole post took half an hour….

k back to econs



you wait quietly at the side watching him and the conversation that you can’t hear. silently observing the way he listens intently and the way he smiles at her. wondering what could possibly be that funny and why you are watching this through another lens. after a few minutes it becomes a little too hard to watch. watching this scene is something like watching a what-could-have-been. you try to remain nonchalant as you make mental notes in your head of the lack of meat on her bones and the body language that speaks of closeness in front of your eyes.

in your head you think

never, but still, an almost lover

this whole week moved too quickly. started out the week by sleeping earlier than my usual 2/3am because the cny period made me readjust my sleeping time. still a little conflicted on whether this is a good thing because good thing: reduction in my panda eyes but bad thing: i lose out 2 hours of studying time. this week was also the first time that someone pointed out my eye bags ‘eh charmaine you got eye bags’ and just a few years ago i remember proudly proclaiming that i am not susceptible to getting eye bags. told m about it (that someone said i have eye bags) and he told me ‘you always had them what’ the saddest thing is that i never knew and that he said it in a matter-of-factly way. i think subconsciously that resulted in me eating two apples last night in an attempt to be healthy and to level up my current complexion and also why i seem to be sleeping earlier this week

i was going to write this paragraph differently but i realised that i wanted to write about this year’s chinese new year first

never been a big fan of chinese new year. there was always a limit as to how much chinese new year goodies you can stuff your mouth with so chinese new year snacks isn’t really much of a highlight. (on a side note – when will they ever sell pineapple tarts without pineapples???) but this year was different. firstly i think i honestly looked forward to that 3 days of holiday. during a conversation with my cousin’s girlfriend i remember telling her how much i never really looked forward to holidays because i actually liked or didn’t mind spending time in school, but this time round i was really dying to have a holiday. and i think that really made me realise what a quantum leap university life has been from junior college. i would say that i am much happier though because i find more value in what i am learning although the workload is really pure shit at times

also i never thought i would feel homesick but i am

you never really think about how good food is at home until you survive on a whole week of school canteen food

this week i put down another two commitments on my commitment list. something which is stark in contrast when i compare this semester to my *~*~*zen*~*~* mantra i adopted last semester to commit minimally to school or outside activities. honestly i don’t know what i’m doing because this semester’s workload is truly insane and i feel drained out with every friday. but opportunities only come once and i decided to take both opportunities. first being signing up for conjunct – which although i had already mentally committed myself to last wednesday night – is something that i think will be a really valuable experience and the skills to be learnt are something that i place high value in. then on thursday i remember zj casually asking me if i want to join sbcc with two of our other og friends and i think instinctively i am used to saying ‘no’ but something in me held back. i remember weighing all my current commitments – the insane school work, sports and conjunct – and then wondering if i am up for it. i don’t know how else to say this but i felt that i heard God tell me to rely on His strength and honestly i am going to need a lot of faith and trust that God will bring me through the next ten weeks

everything feels honestly daunting – also i use the word ‘honestly’ way too often – but i can’t help but feel excited for what’s to come and there’s something about a packed calendar filled with activities that makes me feel strangely accomplished

here’s to a good 10 weeks ahead

just an hour ago i cleared up the swamp land on my table and one of the drawers, threw away bits of memorabilia and found my old iPod. then i thought to myself where do old iPods go. thought about the times where i truly felt like a badass for listening to my classic white iPod in secondary school while the rest plugged in their earphones into their phones. thought about how my best friend and i will always choose the back row seats – because who at that age will ever want to sit right in front – and always get singled out by our new tutors within the first 30 minutes because we talked way too much. thought the ritual skipping of chinese remedials or sneaking in of packets of wintermelon tea to chinese remedials whenever we couldn’t skip it because we felt like it. thought about watching vlogs on my best friend’s shiny red iPod nano and thought of how the years seem to fly faster after one passes the age of sixteen. 

and right now thinking about………

whether to get a dress from asos