hello there déjà vu

wasn’t I here just two years ago:
we are walking side by side, hands not touching, anticipating, constantly disappointing, bravely (or foolishly) asking ‘why aren’t you holding my hand?’ of which you reply ‘don’t feel like it’ the nonchalant manner of speaking vs. the frost bite on my heart. this is the part I hate the most about myself. the usual ‘I don’t even a shit’ persona dissolves in a glass of water into a quiet tired meek voice. weak. distancing myself, still anticipating, still disappointed, walking up the slope by myself, lovers saying goodbye as friends. friends, lovers or nothing.

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