of death and dying

today i heard the sound of somebody about to die. isn’t it strange how things change in the matter of hours. i was sitting down absent-mindedly picking at my beef stew and using whatsapp to tell a friend about the dream i had concerning our results. and then i heard a 3 second long sound that at that moment i didn’t even know what to classify the sound under – a bang or a boom – but now i know it was the sound of impending death. initially i thought the shelf stacked with my mother’s pots and pans at the balcony had fallen over. then my father came out of the kitchen and said three words: a boy fell. i can no longer remember what my first reaction was but it was only until i heard the cacophony of wails – not even cries anymore – that it occurred to me that my father was actually right. then i did something i feel ashamed of doing now; i tweeted about it and now i feel like i’ve disrespected a dead boy’s family. all i can think is how everything has changed within a few hours for the boy’s family – that a mother would never wake up thinking ‘today is the day i lose my child’ – and that a mother’s heart is dying.


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