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Monthly Archives: February 2012

i watched her spin around in circles effortlessly on the ice, she makes everything look effortless with her eyes closed and a small smile playing on the corners of her mouth. she glides along the ice without faltering in her routine, so graceful that at times i would lose myself in the beauty of the moment and forget to catch my breath. there are times when she falls but she picks herself up quickly. how does she do that, i wonder. for i would feel as if i were dancing on a thread, tiptoeing on a tightrope, afraid that the ice beneath my toes would crack. yet as i watch her i realize that i have not even tried and that is what sets us both apart

it was 9:30 that night when we climbed up the same boulder, the one we had climbed up many years ago, carefully i climbed up as you helped me up and for a second i had felt something stir within my heart. but that is all i would let it be for that night. nothing else but a quiet stir within my tired heart. a week from that night i would finally tell you that i am not ready but i would not tell you to wait. that you could be standing beside me but at times i feel as if i am somewhere else. faraway and out of reach. do you get what this means. that all along your kindness to me will always remain nothing but kindness in my eyes. and nothing else.

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there is comfort in silently walking alone in one of my favorite parts of singapore. i have walked this route more than four times this week yet i know that one day i will want to live here. when i am old and frail and my hands turn into my grandmother’s, i will walk (slower (much slower than before)) down this same route, past three traffic lights, with the night breeze against my skin, and still feel at ease with this place. that even in solitude this place does not make you feel alone. i walked past a mother holding her son’s hand and an old man on a bicycle. we exchange smiles and this was what i discovered today. that i do enjoy the company of myself at times like this. singing pumped up kicks but not too loudly out loud while walking, pausing every now and then to take photographs, having cheap thrills by catching 13 on the traffic light. that times like this make me realize life is more than getting straight A’s; that sometimes you just need to take a walk and feel the wind dance around your hair and know that in the end this is how everything ends up. we grow old and then we die. one day i want to travel around the world alone and just walk down the streets of [name of country] and know that there is more to life outside singapore

exams i will finally catch up on HIMYM, TBBT, GG (although i just spoilt the show for myself again but trawling on tumblr), rewatch skins, buy the complete set of Friends and watch VD!!!

all the time in the world to snuggle under my quilt, pop marshmallows in my mouth and pig out on tao kae noi while watching shows after shows. arguably i can spend my holidays doing something more meaningful but this is how i am going to spend the whole of this december and mid january 2013; wasting time away doing nothing important, waking up at 10am…….. ok things are looking brighter and promising all of a sudden

8 more months to furrrreeeaaaadoooommmmmmmm

the week is half gone now, feel like this week has crawled by, with every new day inching forward a little slower than the previous day. on monday i took baby steps around school and truly felt like a handicapped. kindness from the guys who offered to carry both the files i held in my arms and my eastpak as i trudged up or hobbled down the stairs. feel like this kind of simple acts of kindness should extend beyond the scope of friends, like people in general should be less concerned about approaching a (complete) stranger and offer their help without feeling embarrassed. something like how when you get up from your seat in coffee bean or starbucks or wherever, it would be nice if one day it became an unspoken agreement that people will automatically help you look after your belongings without you having to ask them politely if they would help you. and so today as i took a 20 minute walk to tuition, well prepared with a medium sized original froyo with fruity pebbles, it felt like this (reference: current emotional state: calm) is how i would like to be six months from now. initially 2012 was just a year in which i wished would pass by quickly and quietly, that all i wanted to do was to make it out of this year alive. but i think right now, i finally know what i want to do. feel like life is more certain now with a clear end in mind, so it’s only 6 days away from the last day of february. in ten months 2012 will come to a close and i will read this post again eleven months or so from now and i hope i’ll still think that 2012 was a good year for me.