not quite awake

and then it hits me. you are sitting across me, wearing a white polo i have never seen on you before. is it new, i think. we have been here before, the tables, walls and chairs are familiar yet something has changed about the place. still, the way you smile is the same but your eyes tell me a different story. everything fades to white for a second and we are sitting side by side – a little too close for comfort – on these steps that we have sat down on before. you lean closer and i kiss your neck, we have done this before so many times. slowly i make my way up to your cheeks and then your lips but i never reach there. everything fades back to white. now we are here. back again, at the table. this time the warmth in your smile is gone, i know what is going to happen next. still, i wait. ‘there’s something i have to tell you’ i don’t say a word. and then you tell me you have never loved me, and that you have loved someone else, a mutual friend of ours, for the longest time. you tell me you are sorry, i don’t say a word still. but my heart is crying and everything fades to white again.

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