us

20120102-212623.jpgsitting alone at klp typing this, been here for more than seven hours. doesn’t feel like it has only been two days since 2011 feels like it just might be march or april now. typing really slowly – probably 15% of my usual typing pace – think i will be leaving this place soon and head back home. at first there was a certain excitement about planning my day’s activities – studying alone at klp, last night i packed my bag halfway and went to sleep feeling tired but filled with anticipation for the night to pass so today would come sooner. certain independence and excitement in having to find your own seat alone, stay put and just keep studying (my life already sounds so sad) especially since i’ve never done this before – i don’t think studying alone in the school library really counts because in between i’ll see classmates or people i know so there really isn’t this loneliness i feel now. i don’t even know why i touched the wordpress app on my phone and why i ended up typing all this down. but halfway while reading through physics i just spaced out and started thinking about everything (98% sad stupid things) and being alone sitting here just made everything engulf me a lot faster. then i took off my earphones because it felt like i was entirely detached from everything. being awfully vague here about what is upsetting me, to be honest i don’t even really know exactly what it is. but crying in coffee bean on the second day of new year – trying desperately to hide my face from the people sitting near me (sidetrack: will always be forever jealous of actresses who can cry and still look beautiful. i just end up looking like a mess) and scribbling on my notes ‘why am i crying in coffee bean’… i feel lousy. lousiest i have felt in a while. and if anyone has read until this very word congratulations i think you have just wasted a minute or so.. ok no actually it just means that either 1. you’re someone i know personally and you care about me so you’re reading this entire lump of a paragraph. or.. 2. you must be either very curious about my life or you are just very bored. ok but thank you regardless if you belong to reasons 1 or 2. /// every single day is starting to feel like a battle.. only two days into 2012, can’t wait for 2013 to come.

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